“in the south we don’t say “you’re a dumb fuck” we say “bless your heart” and i think that’s beautiful. the more mind-obliteratingly stupid we find you, the more descriptive we get. “bless your precious, sweet, mama-loving heart” means we’re not 100% certain how you possess enough intelligence to draw breath.” is this a thing bitty does?

Walking out of Faber, Bitty sighed as he scrolled through his phone and clucked his tongue. “Well well well—Kelly Rowland’s in the news again. Oh Lord, honey, that hair.

Bitty was used to Jack tuning out most of his pop-culture related comments, but for some bizarre reason Jack instead looked back over his shoulder and frowned.

“Kelly Rowland?” asked Jack before looking at Shitty. “Oh, wow. Doesn’t she sit next to you in our history section, Shits?”

Looking up from his phone, Shitty gave Jack his gentlest Jesus-Christ-Jack-your-embarrassingly-culturally-inept-white-dudeness-is-showing-again look.

“Um yeah, brah, I’m pretty sure I would know if Kelly fucking Rowland sat next to me in section. You’re thinking of Kelly Reynolds.”

“Oh. Jack. Bless your heart,” said Bitty. And before he could catch himself: “And lemme guess—Beyoncé is your econ professor?”

“I don’t…What does Beyoncé have to do with Kelly Rowland?” asked Jack.

Bitty made eye contact with Shitty before returning to his phone and muttering, “Bless your darling home-grown hockey-playing Canadian heart.”


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s